Last Thursday was Thanksgiving. Most of us sat with family, ate too much, watched football and got away from the cares of the world…for just a little while.

For many of us there were empty chairs around our tables. The list of people that I could name that had those “empty chairs” would be a very long list. If your family is anything like mine, the people missing from your gathering were there, lingering in your mind, and heart, while you tried to make the best of the day and enjoy those who were there.

Speaking personally, my daughters went above and beyond to make sure it was a great day. Even while missing their mama, they cooked, cleaned, laughed and smiled all day. There was an abundance of laughter at our family gathering. The three little ones running around were a source of joy to all, and I had the exquisite joy of taking a nice, long nap with the tiniest toddler, Carter, after our meal. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than that right there.

But still, all the while, the person missing was in our minds. We talked about my PJ, we laughed at how much her daughters are like her now, and we remembered her. It was a good day.

Even still, I could not help but think of the families that had their first go round of the “empty chair.”

I thought about my dear friend Kathy Freeman who spent her first Thanksgiving without her Henry. Henry Freeman was a special man. When they say they broke the mold, they are talking about Henry. So, my thoughts went out to Kathy and the rest of her family who spent their first Thanksgiving without his smile and laugh.

I lost a friend a few days ago. She was a kind, generous soul who wasn’t always dealt the best cards. She was always so sweet to me, and she was abundantly kind to my son. She was friends with my PJ too, so I can only think that the two of them now have time to catch up. I spent some time Thursday thinking about her children and how they had their first Thanksgiving with an empty chair.

In my experience, the first days are definitely the hardest. The first Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc….. those are the hardest. They might get a little bit easier over time, but the old adage that time heals all wounds is not true at all.

I have had some tell me that instead of being sad on those days we should instead celebrate the memories made with the ones no longer here. We have tried some of that, and it is good to remember the good days, but I find it impossible to make the days without a measure of sadness.

Let me say this though on the subject.

If you are one that has an empty chair at your family gatherings, try this out. It has worked some for me. Look for the things in your life that show you their presence is still here, even if their physical body is not.

Look at the family traditions that they were known for and keep them around. Look at the people in the room and see what character traits are still around. One example for me is the fact that our oldest daughter, Allyson, cannot seem to make a meal without burning herself or dropping something….just like her mom. Another example is that our other daughter, Hollyann, has my PJ’s smile and somewhat dry sense of humor. Also, she very recently got her hair cut with a new style, and looking at her new bangs reminds me of her mama every time I see her.

Finally, big days with empty chairs do not have to be sad days. Oh, there will be sadness, but you just have to find a way to smile, laugh and see the beauty of living with those you are blessed to still have around.

As our little Carter now says….”okay.”